June 19, 2018
“No.” It’s such a simple, easy to say word. Moms and Dads, remember when your two-year-old learned it for the first time? Good times. But as we got older, saying “no” got harder and harder. Didn’t it? That’s because many of us are naturally wired to want to please and try to meet the expectations of others.
We say “yes” to something we really don’t want to do because a little voice inside our head whispers, “I will disappoint her if I don’t do this,” or “I will cause conflict if I don’t give in,” and “It’s just easier to say yes and get it over with than say no.”
We say “yes” to something we really don’t want to do because a little voice inside our head whispers, “I will disappoint her if I don’t do this,” or “I will cause conflict if I don’t give in,” and “It’s just easier to say yes and get it over with than say no.”
Sound familiar?
Saying “no” is not easy. We fear failure, of disappointing someone we love. Some of us fall into the trap of feeling like we have to save everyone and everything. Others of us are just born people pleasers. And most of us have been on at least one guilt trip for saying “no” at some point in the journey.
When we avoid saying “no” enough times in our lives, though, it’s so much harder to establish healthy boundaries for ourselves, our family, and our schedule. And then, resentment creeps in. You end up feeling used or taken advantage of. When you do too much, you end up burned out, exhausted, and lose all motivation.
So, how do you learn the fine art of saying “no?” By saying “Yes” to God first!
At the beginning of each day, take time to pray and ask God to order your steps. Ask Him to bring the people and opportunities into your life that He has for you. And as things come up, resist the urge to give a knee-jerk response. Instead, develop a habit of asking for time to think about it, look at your schedule and most importantly, pray.
If you know right away that something isn’t right for you, here are a couple great responses. A simple but direct, “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you with that right now.” Or, “I’m already overcommitted,” is perfectly appropriate. Or how about, “Thanks for thinking of me, but that won’t work with my schedule.”
This can be hard, but keep in mind that the person you need to please each day is God. And when you take time to pray and commit each day to Him, asking for His wisdom in your life, He’s going to give it to you. A transformation will occur where you begin to enjoy a more healthy-paced and effective life. When you learn to say “no,” you open the door to say “Yes” to other things – including rest and healthy boundaries.